Korea Introduces New Immigration Regulations

Today is a bold new day for Korea. After years of trying to deal with a changing identity, the nation is embracing its multicultural identity by implementing new immigration policies.

Under these new guidelines, both men and women seeking F-Class spousal visas (and later permanent resident visas) must complete two years of compulsory military service.

Men will be given a physical aptitude test and based on the results be placed into either the ROK Army or Navy. If they score in the top 0.1% on the test and possess a black belt in Taekwondo, they would be eligible to serve in the ROK Marines.

Foreign women must also serve, unlike Korean women. The foreign women will be placed in a new amphibious assault team called the Haenyeo Assault Team (HAT). This division will receive training from the famed Haenyeo women divers of Jeju and US Army Rangers. The team would be deployed on short notice to tackle hard objectives, much like the US Navy Seals.

Those who fail the physical aptitude test, or are over the age of 35, will be sent to a rural compound to make kimchi for two years. The kimchi would be used for public school lunches around the country.

That’s all the important news from Korea today. In other stories, Random House has removed the word gullible from the dictionary.

Happy April Fool’s Day.

  • Wendy

    For a minute there, I thought you were serious in the video.